"Tales from the Darkside" is a movie based on an 80's TV show. Each week there would be a new episode, with a new story to tell. There was never any continuity, as each episode was self contained. From what I have read up on the TV show, it seems to be in the same vein as "The Twilight Zone" and "The Outer Limits". I really wish I had been older during the show's run so I could have enjoyed it in the era it was made for. Unfortunately it did not each too well. The film has three stories contained within one over arching wrapper. The wrapper story tells the tale of a woman ("Deborah Harry") who has kidnapped a young boy, so that she can serve him at dinner for her guests. As you probably already noticed, it is sort of a take on "Hansel and Gretel". The difference here is that the boy has been given a book by the woman; presumably so that he can remain occupied while locked up. When the time comes to eviscerate the boy, he manages to distract her by telling her stories. So here they are in order; I will write a mini review for each.
Lot 249
The first tale of terror is based on a story by "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle" and has quite few famous names; Julianne "Susan" Moore, Christian "Andy" Slater and Steve "Bellingham" Buscemi. The story revolves around a fellowship grant which would allow the winner to visit Europe for the summer. Andy's friend Lee has managed to cheat his way into getting the fellowship. Lee is dating Andy's Sister, Susan and she is the one who is actually writing all of Lee's work. Bellingham feels cheated and knows that their has been foul play. On the way back from playing tennis, Andy and Lee meet Bellingham on the stairs and help pay the delivery man who has just dropped off Bellingham's newest acquisition; a 3000 year old mummy.
After finding a scroll inside the mummy, Bellingham recites the words written on it and soon the mummy comes back to life. Now that the mummy is up and around, he starts to take bloody vengeance on all of those who have wronged Bellingham.
A classic story, with some big names acting it out. The great thing that all of these mini stories have in common is that despite the fact they are horror shorts, they never take themselves too seriously. You can see this with certain scenes within "Lot 249 - like when the mummy is slowly crawling its way along the ground toward Christian Slater, only to be denied at the last second as he moves away. However, the scenes of killing are rather graphic and mostly involve the mummy forcing its past pains onto his victims. One person has their brain removed through their nose, another is sliced open and stuffed with flowers. For entertainment, this is an enjoyable little dive into classic story telling, but I wouldn't expect too much from it.
Rating 3 out of 5
Cat from Hell
This next story has a lot of promise. A story written by the prolific horror writer and my namesake, "Stephen King". Just to add a little more to the pot, the screen play was adapted for the film by the great "George A. Romero".
A rich pharmaceutical tycoon hires a hitman to help eliminate the killer of the three other residents of his stately manor. When the hitman arrives he is shocked to find that the killer is none other than...a cat! At first he thinks it to be a joke, but soon finds out that it is no laughing matter. The tycoon explains how all of the others had met their fates at the "paws" (I am so sorry for this) of the killer. Tripped down the stairs, smothered and killed in a car crash; all of the deaths deemed to be either natural causes or accidental death. However, the tycoon knows this is not true.
Soon the hitman is left alone in the manor with the cat. What he thought would be a walk in the park soon turns out to be far more difficult than he could have imagined.
To be honest, I am complete fan boy of "Stephen King". I like most of his work, but with this I just felt that it was extremely cheesy. The model cat used frequently throughout the film looks terrible and the death scenes are rather tame. However, there are a couple of saving graces. The first being is that there is a little bit of humerus undertone to it all and the second is one of the death scenes. Have you ever seen a cat crawl inside a man's mouth and smother him to death. Then once they stop breathing, climb all the way down into his stomach? I thought not...and you will love this scene for its originality. As with before, I wouldn't expect much more out of this than for it to kill a half hour.
Rating 3 out of 5
Lover's Vow
The final tale is about a struggling artist who has just been given the bad news that he will no longer be represented by his agent. Worse than that, all of his work is being removed from the gallery it was in due to it being difficult to sell. The artist gets drunk at a bar and as he says goodnight to the bartender something horrible happens. The bartender's hand flies across the alleyway with great force. You can see him being attacked, but you can't see by what. The next thing to go is his head! After witnessing this the artist is pinned to a wall by a grotesque creature; the one responsible for the horrific murder just witnessed. The creature makes the man a deal; if he never tells anyone about what happened here then he can live. He agrees and runs.
As he runs away he bumps into a beautiful woman and they end up back at his apartment. The connection between the two grows, his career begins to flourish and everything seems to be taking a turn for the better. However, there is an inescapable feeling that something is not right.
A love story of the strangest sort. Not a particularly interesting story, but for the gore I would say it is definitely worth a look. It is probably my least favorite of all the stories, but it certainly is the most violent by a long shot. Despite being slowly paced, it has a great ending that makes it even more worth seeing through. Enjoy it, it's a hell of twist.
Rating 2 out of 5
As the final story ends, we make our way back to the kitchen of the evil woman and the young boy trapped in the cage. This last piece of the film ties a great little bow on the whole thing and makes it a complete package. Extremely cheesy, nice and gory, hammy acting and laugh out loud moments make this film a great little rest from the real gritty horror that I watch most of the time. If you feel like a rest just like me, why not put it on this Halloween?
Rating 3 out of 5
See it if you liked:
Twilight Zone: The Movie
Creepshow
Creepshow 2
What does IMDB say?
Review by Stephen King
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