Another busy day, so I haven't had time to watch a film sadly. I have this classic review that I wrote about a truly terrible film, "The Horrible Doctor Bones". I hope you really enjoy my sarcasm....Well, I think deep down we knew this film was going to be bad. The signs were all there: No famous actors, low budget front cover, it cost a penny, postage cost 157% of actual DVD & last but not least it had the tag line, a hip-hop horror!
To be honest, it was awful. By the time the credits had rolled, it took about 6 minutes of the 70 minute runtime, I was already bored out of my skull. But where to start, I suppose at the plot:
(see empty space below for details of plot...)
plot plot plot plot plot plot plot plot plot plot plot plot plot plot plot, Feel free to realize anytime soon that there was so little plot it could barely be classed as a movie.
Lots and lots of random street slang & "Ms Thang" moments later, people started dying, at which point I noticed I didn't give a crap if the characters were killed. They were all annoying as hell, in fact it would probably have made more sense to actually kill the actors involved. It could possibly be the only way to get a somewhat believable death scene. However, I do imagine that these people would be dead before their brains gave the time to react to their throats being cut. Never the less, this - TRAVESTY - continued on for many more minutes, never quite giving anymore thought as to what the plot might actually be.
More slang, more bad death scenes, random blind guy cleaning the concrete in an out door parking lot, the same room used for every scene and bunch of arbitrary zombies later the film ends. Giving me a warm feeling inside. No it's not satisfaction, it's my stomach getting ready to vomit blood, because they have decided to do something totally new with the ending! They thought it would be a great idea to have an ending in which everything seems okay, BUT WAIT, not it's not, the killer is still alive!
What's that audience? You don't care? Why is that? Oh, right, because it was completely pointless anyway? Okay I understand.
You know what I could go on and explain about why this film was so bad, but I would be wasting my time. The long and short of it is that I will never get those 70 minutes of my life back...NEVER! I say to you now that it is probably hazardous to your health to watch this film. Please don't touch it. It's just not worth the risk of dying.
Anyway I have to get going, I have more important things to do than to talk about this movie. So I will review the next movie after I have finished swallowing some razor blades.
Rating 0 out of 5
See it if you liked:
Predator 2
Candyman
What does IMDB say?
Review by Stephen King
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